I am..

I am who I am today

I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a niece, a cousin, a student and a friend
I am 23 and still my daddy's little girl
I am pink, blue and sensitive tan

I am CSU
I am far away from home, family, friends, and love ones
I am in love with diversity
I am looking for acceptance and I am seeking for peace

I am loving and caring
I am wanting to be loved and I am still waiting for him to come

I am strong on the surface, but fragile inside
I am helpful, a good listener, and a problem solver, but then I can never solve my own problems

I am religious in my own way, where I practice my Islamic belief
I am small and scared of God

I am quite but I can talk a lot
I am happy when others are happy

I am happy with my life
I am blessed with what I've been given and
I am grateful to be here in life today

-Jan. 15, 2004-

expecting the impossible

Am I expecting something that's impossible?

Impossible for me to have?

Where is this going?

I have so many questions in my mind that I'm even afraid to say.

One of my greatest gifts has been taken away.

How's he doing? I wonder..

"kulepas semua yang kuinginkan
tak akan kuulangi
maafkan jika kau kusayangi
dan bila kumenanti
pernahkah engkau coba mengerti
lihatlah ku di sini
mungkinkah jika aku bermimpi
salahkah tuk menanti

takkah lelah aku menanti
takkan hilang cintaku ini
hingga saat kau tak kembali
kan kukenang di hati saja

kau telah tinggalkan hati yang terdalam
hingga tiada cinta yang tersisa di jiwa"

(Peter pan - Yang terdalam)

the perfect dream

I close my eyes and I see myself five years from now. I'm walking in a big studio, wearing a very professional looking outfit with a name tag hanging around my neck. I'm carrying a script..it's a script for a show and I'm directing the show. It's already the end of the day and we finish our shoot early and everything is perfect. Somebody shouts, "It's a wrap!" and everybody claps. I walk out the studio feeling happy. Everyone keeps saying to me, "Good job!" I love my job.

I got home in a very comfortable and cozy house. The TV is on and I hear the sounds of cartoon characters that came from the Cartoon Networks. And there he is..in front of the tv..a little boy around three years of age watching the cartoon, while playing with his building blocks. "Mommy.." he said. I smile and hug him.

Suddenly, I hear a man's voice saying, "Hey, you're home." He walks toward me and give me a warm kiss on my forehead. He's still wearing his business outfit from this morning. There we have our "how's your day" conversation. It looks perfect.

I open my eyes..I smile and wish my dream would come true.

A quote that makes you go "aww"

From "Never been kissed:"

Josey: That thing, that moment. When you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person; and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life.

For the 5th time in my dreams, I could finally feel it again. What is going on?

saddest goodbye

There he went..can't believe he's leaving for good. This place will never be the same again. It's only been a couple hours and I miss him already. I spent my last three and a half years and share everything with you and I regret that I still complain sometimes. I'm sorry..that's all I can say. I lost you once and I knew since then my life would never be the same. And now you're not even here. Is this a sign telling me to move on? The question is, "Am I really ready to move on?"