Lost in Translation

I remember when I was younger, I found that it was very easy to say "I love you." The question is, how hard is it to say those three little words? I remembered that people use to say those words all the time, even in their early stage of relationship, means on their first day when they declare their "official relationship!" So what? You care about somebody so that means you also love that person. WRONG!!

I remembered when I started dating him. It took him maybe two months before he actually said it, that I started to wonder if the phrase was so old-fashioned that people didn't even say it anymore. When he finally said it, then I said it back. I mean, what did you want me to say? I wasn't trying to be nice, because I'd always knew that I felt the same way. What's the big deal about it, I wonder? What's so hard about saying it? I guess I was just lost.

I finally asked him what took him so long to say it. He looked at me, puzzled. He thought that it was a bit too fast, though he'd been wanting to say it earlier. And I was like, OK, then why didn't he just say it? I explained about my translation of the famous "I love yous" and he just laughed. I didn't get it.

Just like I said on one of my postssome time ago, people say these three little words all the time that they do not even realize or understand what they actually mean. They just say it because it is a necessity in a relationship not just because they want to take the relationship seriously to the next level...I mean "seriously to the next level."

Just because you kiss somebody, that doesn't mean you love that person. Just because you have a crush on somebody, that doesn't mean that you love that person. Love grows. Just like puzzle, you try to solve it by placing the pieces one by one. And when you finally place that one last piece, you will feel this satisfaction because now it is all clear and you can see the whole picture. It's all complete.

After having a long talk about it, then I realized that, "Oh my God," I've been lost for so long. That is not something that should be easy to say. The meaning is different for each person, but it will always be beautiful if it comes from the heart.

I came accross this quote that I really like:

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

My puzzle is finally complete!

Life in DC

It's been a while since I wrote my last post. Some things have changed. Aside from graduating from school, moving for a job, being away from him, reuniting with my bestfriend (though only for a couple of months), life's been pretty interesting, I must say. Loaded with ups and downs, but hey, that's life I guess.

I moved to DC last February to work as a contractor at a broadcasting agency. I do a lot of work, it's ridiculuous. If I have a weekly task list, it will have:

1. 15 news translations
2. daily news reading (15x a week, three ore more times a day, every half an hour)
3. three shows to host
4. one music/movie report (started with script writing, voicing, and developing)
5. one english program
6. another script to write (which include calling people for interviews)
7. two inserts (which include script writing, voicing, and developing)
8. one discussion program
9. two weekly program reports
10. and the list goes on and on and on

Yes, that's what I pretty much do every week among other things. I work in a cubicle, where you can sort of see half of people's head in the other cubicles when you lift your head up a bit. My cubicle belongs at this corner where all the young people work. It is so much fun but there is also a twist for that. Unfortunately, my cubicle is right in front of the entrance, which makes me look like a receptionist. Everyday, I will be the first one to say and answer good morning or goodbye to everyone with a little smile on my face, though my brain's tired. I'm getting good at feeling them, cause now I can tell when they're having their Monday blues or when they haven't had their morning coffee. Not only that, though we have two entrances, random people, including the UPS guys or other delivery people always enter from the entrance right in front of my cubicle and ask me questions that I can't answer, like where the Korean service is or whether they should exchange 5,000 rups into US dollar (which equals less than 50 cents)! That's why sometimes I pretend that I don't see them when they walk in, though it's a little hard sometimes.

Plus, people who walk behind me, including my boss, can actually see what I'm doing or what I'm browsing on the net! Don't worry it's not what you think, but checking my personal e-mails, friendster, and gossip blogs every 15 minutes can help you go through the day. Thanks to that little minimize button on the corner of a browser page and also my "sensitivity," cause now I can feel when people are walking to my cubicle and with my skilled finger, I can just hide those unwork related pages and back to work.

My cubicle is also used as a meeting point for everybody. For some reasons, they just love to talk and loll on the cubicle, or just stand there to see whether my boss or the other colleagues are at their office or cubicles. It is always fun to see everybody, though there have been a lot of awkward moments, lol. My friend who sits in the cubicle next to me loves to play with knives and other interesting "toys." He loves to throw knives to the wall or ceiling, which scares me at first, but now I'm used to it and I look at it as the amusement of the day.

There are lots of other fun stuff at the office, such as having a "lunch party" or coffee time together. That's pretty much how I describe work.

Through work and interviews I got to know a lot of new people from aroud the states. This week I' m doing a story about this talented bass player, Reza Saleh, from Fullerton, CA. After talking and chatting with him a couple of time, it turns out that he's my brother's in law "uncle" (they're actually the same age). What a small world, I must say.

That's pretty much how I live my life here in D.C. More stories and thoughts coming, cause I'm going to continue watching "Three's Company" Marathon on TV!! Have a great one peop!

The Path Less Traveled

Someone offered me to take the path less traveled. I said, "No, thank you," because I can feel happiness at the end of the path that I'm going through right now.

when things do not fall exactly where you want them to fall. when everything's going well but you still feel there's something missing. when home is not as friendly as you think it is. when you feel like saying more things but your heart is telling you not to. when your blue is stronger than your other colors. it's just one of those days. what would you do to fix me?

"Is True Love Fact, Fiction, or Something in Between?"

What is true love? And does it really exist?

You fall in love too many times without knowing which one is the actual true love. You keep saying, "this is the one" every time you fall in love, without actually feeling the true love itself. After a while you're getting tired of it, because you realize that every time you fall in love, your relationship never lasts.

And why is that? Is there really such a thing as true love? Or is that just something that we create, like a fiction book? Or is it just something in between?

To me, true love does exist. True love is to love and to be loved very deeply. True love is the reason why you cry happily when you think about it. True love doesn't cause pain, because the love connection that you and your partner have can turn into a healer every time the pain emerges.

True love is when you feel like you can never get enough of your partner. True love is when your mind is actually telling you that you have finally met the person that you can't live without. The idea of falling in true love makes you cry because you feel like you never love somebody this much, it's amazing. True love makes you believe without a doubt that your partner's the one. True love is never perfect and never a fiction, but one thing I know about true love is it can make your life complete, which is perfectly enough for me.

Quotes from the movie "Guess Who:"

Simon Green: "That's just it, she's everything I'm not. You know, she's my other half. Without her I'm not whole. You know the thing about meeting your other half is you're walking around, you think you're happy, you think you're whole, then you realize you ain't shit without her. Then you can't go back to being just a half 'cause you know what it's like to be whole."

Beautiful Words

"You and I are connected in a way that goes beyond romance, beyond friendship, beyond what we've ever had before. It has defied time, distance, and changes in ourselves and in our lives. And it has defied every explanation except one: purely and simply, we're soul mates. I can't explain it. I just feel it. It's there in the way my spirit subtly lifts whenever we talk, how the sound of your voice brings me home in a way I can't explain. It's in the delight I feel when we laugh at exactly the same things.

When I'm with you, it's like a tiny part of the universe shifts into the place it's supposed to be, and all is right with the world. These things, and so many more, have made me understand that this is a once-in-a-lifetime, forever connection that could only exist between you and me. And deep in my soul, I know that our relationship is a rare gift, one that will bring us an extraordinary happiness all through our lives."

(Suzanne Heins)

I wish I may, I wish I might..

Today's my birthday. Yay! I'm grateful to be here in life today and feel how's it like to be 24. Thanks to all my friends for their wonderful wishes and presents. I, myself, have my own wish. It's a simple wish with a lot of meaning. I'm not asking for anything but the wish I wish today.

I wish I may, I wish I might..have this wish I wish today...(amin).

The Truth About Modern Romance

"If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking."

Hello Stranger...I said that to myself when our eyes met. I can feel the sparks. I can sense the connection. Is this a love at first sight? Is there really such a thing as love at first sight?

I guess the quote from the movie "Closer" above says it all. You will never stop seeking for true love if you keep looking at people on the street and trying to make eye contact with the person you think is the "right" person. Love won't happen just like that, in a blink of an eye. Love grows from truth and honesty and lots of other values, and that takes time. That's all I can say. The love you think you feel may only be a desire for the love itself.

"Love is an accident waiting to happen"

When you fall in love with someone, you don't have a choice. Well, maybe you do, it's either you're falling in love with that person, or you're denying the fact that you love that person because you don't want any troubles. You can do this or you can resist. However, sometimes it just happens..like what the quote says..is an accident waiting to happen. But, can we really say that love is an accident? Or is it the moment that's the actual accident? The moment of our lives that we can't avoid? The moments when the universe is trying to help us and tell us to fall in love?

Dan: "I fell in love with her, Alice."

Alice: "Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment? I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it? And I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one."

Larry: "You don't know the first thing about love because you don't understand compromise."

"Desire is a stranger...you think you know"

Like I said before, people often mistakenly the desire for love with the love itself. They force themselves to fall in love, when they're unsure about the feelings they have or about what love is all about. They feel like they've become friends with the stranger, when they know that the stranger is still a stranger. At the end, they will realize that the feelings they have before are actually the strangers they think they know.

Alice: "Where is this 'love'? I can't see it, I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words."

"Intimacy is a lie...we tell ourselves"

This is just wrong, I think. Why would we want intimacy if we lie about our feelings and the whole relationship? Why is there such a thing as pretending? Pretending to love and pretending to be loved. Why would we want to be in denial all the time about what's really going on? Why do we have to be actors in a relationship, when we know that this is a real life and not a movie? Why do we have to lie? Why do we set aside truth and honesty, when we realize that those are the values of the relationship itself?

Anna: "Why is the sex so important?"

Larry: "Because I'm a fucking caveman!"

"Truth is a game...you play to win"

The last quote here may explains the truth about modern romance, where the concepts of truth and honesty are used for competition and not for something we should respect. In this modern romance, they may still value truth and honesty. However, they don't use them to uphold the relationship or for forgiveness anymore, but they use them as tools to hurt others. They may think that the "love they can't resist" is the cause of all these problems. They want to be in the game where they can win and avoid hurts, without even realizing that what they do is hurting.

Dan: "What's so great about truth? Try lying for a change - it's the currency of the world."

Alice: "I don't want to lie. I can't tell the truth. So it's over."

Anna: "Don't stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you. It meant nothing. If you love me, you'll forgive me."

Dan: "I owe you an apology. I fell in love with her. My intention was not to make you suffer."

Though it sounds complicated, I must say that I love this movie. Throughout the movie you'll find some people who are never satisfied and always looking for something more in a relationship. The sad thing is they always start looking when they're not supposed to and they can't never stop.

Soulmates - Do they really exist?

Sometimes in a relationship we question ourselves whether or not our partners are our soulmates. We feel the connection and love between each other that we sometimes try to convince ourselves that we have found our soulmates. But then, not all relationships work out perfectly like in fairy tales. Things happen here and there, and when things are starting to fall apart, we realize that our partners are not exactly the people who we consider as our soulmates.

So, the question is, do soulmates really exist or are they only our imaginations and creations in life? Is there really someone on the other side of this world who is waiting to complete you? And is it a part of our missions in this life to find that other half? Or is this just another serendipity or a fortunate accident that waiting to happen?

So many questions, so little answers.

One thing about soulmates is they may come when the time is right, you may not even realize.

I consider a soulmate as someone who can fill my life with peace and happiness. Someone who can complete me when I feel incomplete. Someone whom I can open up to without being asked. Someone who is the missing piece of a puzzle that I've been searching for. Someone who can make me smile from the heart when I finally put down that last missing piece. Someone who can make me feel wanted. Someone who can give me a warm feeling that I've never felt before. Someone whom I trust. Someone who can make me a better person everyday. Someone who can make a simple word, such as "us" means more than anything. Someone whom I can't stop thinking about. Someone whom I consider as one of the most important parts of my life. Someone whom I can't live without. And finally, someone whom I truly love so much.

So, do they really exist? I guess they do. Of course, if you believe in them.

ps: thanks for coming into my life.

"A soulmate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we; we can be loved for who we are and for who we're pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person were safe in our paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."

-Richard Bach

a little note

"And every time I close my eyes
I thank the Lord that I've got you
And you've got me too
And every time I think of it
I pinch myself 'cause I don't believe it's true
That someone like you loves me too..."

(Every Time I Close My Eyes - Babyface)

It Feels Like Home

Happy Birthday, baby :)

"Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life"

(Feels Like Home - Chantal Kreviazuk)

Something Waiting to Happen

They say that your dreams will come true when the time's right. They say that you'll know when he comes along. They say that you'll really feel it when the moment's right. They say that you'll know when the mourning period is over. They say that your heart will definitely lead you to the right path.

It's like something waiting to happen. And I'm glad that it actually happens.

Found my ox..and he gave me a flower the other night :)


"I never felt magic crazy as this. I never saw moons, knew the meaning of the sea.
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree but now you're here, brighten my northern sky.

Been a long time that I'm waiting, been a long that I'm blown.
Been a long time that I've wandered through the people I have known.
Oh, if you would and you could straighten my new mind's eye."

(Northern Sky - Nick Drake)

Choosing Between Two Different Paths

There's always a time in your life when you have to choose between two paths. To me, this is one of the most overwhelming situations. You spend hours and hours thinking about which path you should follow. You often wonder what will happen if you choose the first path instead of the second. Will it make your life different? Will it make you happier? Or it will only make you regret about the whole thing?

The worst part is you know that your decision will definitely affect others, which makes it even harder to make a decision. Instead of thinking about what will this decision do to your life, you're thinking about what will this decision do to others' lives. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. You know that you can't be selfish and you should also think about other people, but then again, this is your decision. You're actually the one who'll be doing what the decision is. Gosh, I feel very overwhelmed just writing about it.

Decision..decision..decision. In this life, it's all about making decision. Why is it so hard to make a decision? That, I can't explain.

I like choices, options, or whatever you wanna call them. But to be honest, I don't like to choose. Especially if I have to choose between two different paths.


"This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
I've been waiting on my own too long
When ya hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets flowin
Feeling like ya can't go on"

(This Year's Love - David Gray)

How soon is too soon?

People say we should think before we act or speak. Never act or speak too soon. Otherwise you will regret it in the end. Regret is not only a strong word, but also something that no one ever wants to experience. However, sometimes you just never know whether something is too soon or not until it actually happens.

The question is, how soon is too soon?

In my dictionary, there's no such thing as "too soon." In other words, when it happens, it happens :)

"N is for the uNexplainable feelings I have for you, considering the short time since we've met." (him)

Dear you..

it's only been 2 weeks. definitely sweet and very charming. the feelings i have are far beyond belief. thanks for everything and thanks for being you..

current playlist:

* Ten2five - You
* From Autumn to Ashes - Autumn Monologues
* Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter
* Mazzy Star - Fade in to You
* U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own
* The Sundays - Wild Horses

about the rooster (1981)

All eyes are on you when you enter a room. You love to attract attention and admiration where ever you are. You like to be organized and keep everything neat. This includes all of your personal items as well as your social life. When it comes to planning or organizing anything, you like to be the boss.

Your intelligence is a much-admired quality. You are a quick thinker, practical and always seem to make due with whatever you have on-hand. It doesn’t take you long to find an answer to a problem. Friends seem to flock to you when they need good advice.

Generally, you are a humble person and find yourself with many friends. But watch your temper! When someone tells you something you don’t want to hear, you have a tendency to blurt out the wrong thing and hurt feelings.

your most compatible signs are the ox or snake..

So, it's either snake or ox, huh? :)

speed of sound

There is a point in your life when you're not sure about what you're doing. This is when you know that if you just follow your heart, you will find a new adventure. You can smell the excitement of this new adventure before it even begins. You're nervous. You want more. You're trying to satisfy your curiousity, though you're not sure what you're gonna get in the end.




How long before I get in
Before it starts before I begin
How long before you decide
Before I know what it feels like
Where to where do I go
If you never tried then you'll never know
How long do I have to climb
Up on the side of this mountain of mine

Look up I look up at night
Planets are moving at the speed of light
Climb up, up in the trees
Every chance that you get
Is a chance you seize
How long am I gonna stand
With my head stuck under the sand
I'll start before I can stop
Before I see things the right way up

[CHORUS:]
All that noise and all that sound
All those places I doth found
And birds go flying at the speed of sound
To show you how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand
Ideas that you'll never find
All the inventors could never design
The buildings that you put up
Japan and China all lit up
The sign that I couldn't read
Or a light that I couldn't see
Some things you have to believe
But others are puzzles puzzling me

[CHORUS]

Oh when you see it then you'll understand

All those signs I knew what they meant
Some things you can invent
Some get made and some get sent

Birds go flying at the speed of sound
To show you how it all began
Birds came flying from the underground
If you could see it then you'd understand
Oh when you see it then you'll understand

(Coldplay - Speed of Sound) JUNE 7!!

we're just ordinary people

wednesday night. still sweet. crash. pink. blue. june. cancer. leo. sick. flyers. saturday. 5 pm. thursday night. phone call at 9:51 pm. the blower's daughter. music. movies. downloading. keyboard. blacklight. alfie. 23 not 26. saturday. good night. 01:07:35.

"We're just ordinary people, we don't know which way to go." (John Legend - Ordinary people)

Dear Diary...

Today, I feel like writing to you rather than just talking. I just wanna say that finally, I can feel myself starting to smile again on the inside after a year of mourning if you know what I mean. A year of pretending hasn't been that easy, though I'm surprise that I survive. It all went by so fast, but I can't complain. Though I don't feel like looking back, I know that I've learned a lot. I've been watching and learning, where I see a lot of pains, tears, lies, hurts, secrets, and hypocrites in my surroundings. Isn't that sad? It's scary. I must say that life's not always easy and ordinary.

Everyday you're thinking about whom should you trust, whom should you be friends with, and whom should you love. You find more downs than ups. You feel like you're in a state of confusion, where you can't get out from this never ending circle. You feel like you're always outside of your comfort zone. You feel like you're screaming inside, but your voice is on mute. You're just pretending to be what you think people want you to be, when they see that you've changed. I'm not a fake, if that's what you're thinking. I was just hiding for a while. For my own good, of course.

But now, I feel like everything's getting better day by day. I'm not hoping too much for anything, but at least I'm starting to build dreams again, step by step.

i'm spoiled...

M. flowers. dinner. love movies. closer. starbucks. the interpreter. sweet. i'm spoiled..can't stop smiling :)

"Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you"
(Why Can't I - Liz Phair)